TPC and the Horrors of Fanfiction
by omg.it's.wickedjelly
Summary: What happens when The Pretty Committee discovers FanFiction dot net? Well, ahbviously they dismiss it as a LBR habit. And they should, seeing as FanFiction has its bad side...
1. The Discovery

**Author's Note: **Woo! So, before anyone yells at me and accuses me of plagiarizing, I would just like to mention that the lovely **Aquamarine101** has oh-so-kindly lent me her story idea. Yeah. Just a head's up!  
This chapter is just an intro for the next chapter – and a very short and retarded intro at that – but next chapter will represent my own personal views. I feel like expressing my own personal views and so, because of the Freedom of Speech – which is not a right to be abused – I will express my opinions!  
But that's all next chapter. Cos for now, all you gots to do is read, review, and enjoy!

* * *

It was a Friday night and all members of The Pretty Committee were unrolling their sleeping bags – which were fabricated from the softest satin Claire had ever touched – when Massie had one of her great epiphanies. 

"Guys," she said, her eyes twinkling, "I just had a great epiphany."

"Ooh, what is it? Are we going to prank-call Derrick?" Claire exclaimed.

"No, Kuh-laire, even better. Remember how that Kori girl was babbling awwwn and awwwn about how she was this great writer in English yesterday? Well, apparently she actually _posts_ stories online. About _Harry Potter_." Massie smirked.

The girls collectively expressed their disdain for such an LBR habit.

"Wait – how do you know she posts stories online?" Dylan furrowed her eyebrows in bemusement. Massie's smirk quickly faded.

"I just know, okay?" she snapped. "Anyway," she continued, "I think we should go on Fanfiction and say mean things about her."

"Ooh, that's a good one. But how do you know what the site's called?" Alicia said, playing with a lock of her black, silky hair.

"I just told you that I _just know_ so stop asking questions and let me explain. So…what do you guys think?"

"Let's do it," Claire said.

After receiving supporting nods from the rest of the group, Massie went over to her iMac and turned it on. Once everything was loaded, she typed the URL in the address bar and the writing site's homepage appeared in less than a second.

"Ehmygawd, there are over _two hundred thousand_ stories about some stupid wizard book?" Dylan gaped at the screen. "That's…that's…sick."

"I know. Now, if my suspicions are correct, Kori will have just recently published another chapter of whatever she writes and it should be on first page now."

Funnily enough, Massie's "suspicions" _were_ correct.

* * *

3. **Harry Potter and the Garrulous Gorillas** by Kori the Katastrophic _reviews_  
Harry is an exponent for a talking gorilla tribe endemic to England that wishes to seek respite from poachers. The gorillas are taken to Hogwarts where they grow to become as intelligent as their ancestor, Ishmael. But when the poachers are recruited into Voldemort's army of Death Eaters, only trouble can ensue… chap 95 up!

* * *

"Ehmygawd, _ninety_-_five_ chapters?" Alicia shrieked. "She must spend every millisecond on the computer. She's like, a Loser _Way _Beyond Repair. Like a LBWR." She looked over at Massie to see if she'd acknowledge her ah-mazing acronym but was surprised to find her friend strangely engrossed in Kori's stupid – stupid, right? – story. "Um, Massie, aren't we supposed to say something mean?"

"Hmm – I mean, oh! Yes! Something mean. Why don't you guys type something?"

"Okay, okay, I got it." Alicia scooted Massie aside and, while her friends peered over her shoulder, typed:

* * *

**Review Story: **Harry Potter and the Garrulous Gorillas  
Log-In to submit a signed/verified review. 

Name: I hate you because you suck and so does your story  
Review: Omg ur story sux! learn how 2 use good grammer and spelling b4 u ever rite ever again! go die!

* * *

Alicia sat back in the seat with a satisfactory grin and looked over at Massie for her approval, which she received in the form of a slight nod.

"Very nice," Massie said. "I'm sure Kori will like, upload a new chapter saying how pissed she is and then we can report her and have her account deleted! So cli–"

"Wait," Kristen interrupted. "Shouldn't we like…oh, I dunno, sound smarter than she is so we can be the better person?"

Claire opened her mouth to say something along the lines of, "With words like endemic and garrulous? Kind of impossible, don't you think?" but thought the better of it. Especially since Massie gave her – Kristen – an evil look.

"It's called _flay_-ming, Kristen. You're _supposed_ to be mean."

"Yeah, I know, but…oh, never mind. But what is a flame, anyway, and how do you know what it means?"

"I SAID I JUST DO, FOR GAWDSAKES!" Massie screeched. Once the steam that had quite literally emitted from her ears dissipated into the air, she gave everyone a big smile. "Never mind me! Just submit it."

Afterward they sat there, staring at the screen, waiting for a new hi-my-name-is-Strawberry-Kori-and-I'm-super-pissed chapter to come out.

Nothing.

Massie checked her watch; it had been fifteen minutes.

Still nothing.

"Maybe we should go to her profile," Kristen suggested.

And so they did.

* * *

pen name : Kori the Katastrophic  
contact : send message  
user id : 1234321  
since : 10-07-06 

oOo **5/21/07** oOo  
Just a few minutes ago I received a rather ludicrous (if I do say so myself) review from someone whom I bet is a highly disreputable individual. Just go to "Harry Potter and the Garrulous Gorillas" and you'll see what I mean. D:  
Is that not – as I previously mentioned – hilarious? The person is the most inveterate hypocrite I have ever come across. Come on, now: did they really think I would be perturbed by a remark of such "intelligence?" /sarcasm/ I won't even bother deleting it because I want everybody to see how the world had been overcome by idiots. If you _really_ want to insult me I suggest you create a penname so we can debate my grammar skills over PM.

Toodles!

- Kori

* * *

The girls could only gawk at the screen in shock. They had been _publicly dissed_ by some LBR. 

"At least she didn't put our names up," Claire said in an attempt to placate her friends.

"How could she? We didn't even leave them." Massie threw Claire The Look.

Oh.

"Ugh, why don't we just go to another section?" Dylan examined her nails, becoming bored with all the Harry Potter stuff.

"Ah-greed," Massie said. She regained control of the chair and scrolled around for a bit before coming upon a category labeled "Clique".

"Hey, don't cliques always have boyfriends? So maybe they'll be juicy romance stories!" Alicia exclaimed. "We should totally read some."

However, when the stories appeared, the girls gasped in shock. Because there were over two hundred stories…

All about_ them._


	2. The Horror

**Author's Note:** This is where things get a little juicier – and it's the last chapter. Again, if you are offended by anything here, feel free to yell at me because (most) of the things written here are of my opinions. But remember – _opinions_. You're entitled to yours, I'm entitled to mine. So basically, don't go cussing me out. Unless that's the way you roll. :P And for the record, I'm not targeting anyone's particular story; just the stereotypes. And all the stories/pennames I make up are fake.  
(Psst: I stole a line from Wicked – well, kinda. Catch it if you can!)  
Also, I know this isn't amazing. It's not very well written either, but…eh, I was getting bored with this but didn't want an unfinished story lying around my computer. I had to get my little rant out. Except the ending really, really sucks.  
Read, review, and enjoy!

* * *

"Ehmagawd, we have stalkers!" Kristen exclaimed. Everyone else could only stare at the screen in shock as they skimmed over the multitude of stories, all of which concerned _them_.

Massie was the first to break the silence. "Guys, just think: people like us enough to _write_ about us. They're not stalkers, just EWs – and fans. This could be interesting!"

"That's true," Dylan agreed. "Maybe they'll be something good in here."

So they clicked on one story…

…and Massie turned to give Claire the meanest look she'd ever received.

"Um, what's wrong?" Claire asked nervously and put her thumbnail in her mouth.

"Would you _stop_ that ah-nnoying habit already?" Massie then paused, having forgotten what she wanted to say amidst her repulsion. After a quick application of Stila's lip glaze in passion fruit, she remembered. "What's wrong?" she hissed. "Claire, have I been _anything_ but nice to you?"

"Well…"

"That was rhetorical, stupid."

"Sorry."

"Exactly. So then, tell me what _this_ is." Massie pointed a French-manicured finger at the screen. "Read."

And Claire did. Only, what she read made her blanch. Oh god, how did they know that she was secretly plotting to overthrow them and become the school's new alpha and be like, so cool and start The Unbelievably, Irresistibly Pretty Committee?!

Um, duh – because she _wasn't_.

"I swear, none of that's true!" Claire shrieked.

"Oh, really? Then why does it say that 'Claire denied the accusations but deep down inside, she was plotting to overthrow them and become the school's new alpha and be like, so cool and start The Unbelievably, Irresistibly Pretty Committee'? Huh? Kuh-laire, is that some kind of joke? Are you, like, trying to ruin my reputation? Because everyone _knows_ you're completely incapable of starting your own clique. Gawd, you can't even stand up for yourself against me, much less go behind my back and do evil things. Hah! That's a good one."

"Yeah, that's ridiculous," Alicia said. "You can't fool anyone, Claire, so don't make up these rumors."

"But I di–"

"On to the next one." Massie scrolled around the screen and went back a page or two until she came across another story that made her blood run cold.  
Because there, on the third page, read:

* * *

Dial A for Alicia Wins! by omgfashionismylyfe _reviews_  
Alicia is making a comeback, and this time it's for real. Will Alicia's new clique, The Gorgeous Committee (TGC), be even bigger than Massie's? Revenge! Backstabbing! For real!

* * *

Alicia paled even paler than Claire had paled (alternatively, one could say that Alicia's face was the color of her new ). What was with all this rumor and speculation? And innuendo?

"Let me set the record straight," Alicia began. "I _swear_ I'm so over trying to make my own Clique. It's just…no. Never going to happen. Whoever wrote that is probably wishing she was me. You know, inserting herself into the story. Pretending to be me."

Massie let the story slide but reminded herself to raise her guard up nonetheless. And speaking of inserting oneself into a story…

* * *

The Clique by imsohotithurts _reviews_  
My version of what the Clique stories should be like, only with me in them! Also letting other people join in the fun. See inside to apply for a position in TPC.

* * *

As they all read over the summary, their expressions were equivalent to that of an 'OO' emoticon. Because _oh_ my _gawd_, they were not accepting anyone else! No one! What gave anyone the idea that they were inviting complete strangers to their exclusive Friday night sleepovers?

"No one else is a GLU beside _us_," Masse hissed.

"I second the emotion," Kristen said. "Ew, what were they thinking? Ugh. The anger I feel right now it totally indescribable."

"Let's look at something else." Alicia shuffled her feet, wishing she had a chair to sit on.

"How about…oh, oh _gawd_." Massie furrowed her eyebrows angrily. 

* * *

The Alphas by Derrington4ever! _reviews_ When a new clique threatens to overthrow Massie and TPC, Massie is faced with a challenge. A big one. A very big one. So big that she just might want to kill herself and be all emo.

* * *

Massie was fuming. First off, _no one_ besides her was allowed to say "Derrington4ever". Derrington was _hers_, for gawdssake, and it was so immature of some random author to even _think_ they could get a piece of her booty-shakin' boyfriend. And since when was anybody beside her allowed to call him Derrington? THAT WAS HER NAME! HERS!

Worse, they called her emo. _Emo_, of all things. She was _so_ over labeling people, and she wasn't getting to let some punk-goth make her an emo. This person was ahb-viously in need of a life. Even more so because they said she was 'threatened'. Threatened! Massie Block, queen bee of the school, was not going to give up her position. Ever. It was just _so_ unrealistic, especially because everybody worshipped her, regardless of whether it was fear-induced or not.

Gawd, this was the absolute worst day of her life. She wanted to kill herself.

"Ehmagawd, that's horrible!" they all said in unison. Claire reached out to pat Massie's shoulder, but Massie swatted her hand away.

"Can we…please…move on to something else?" Massie said angrily. "I don't think I can handle this much bruising to my reputation."  
But her troubles were far from over. 

* * *

LOL! by CheeseIsMyHomeboy _reviews_  
New cell phones. New text messages. A new life.

* * *

Out of interest, Massie clicked on the story but found herself regretting it – because the whole story was compiled of IMs and texts. All eight chapters. Okay, so they liked texting and IMing on the computer, but that doesn't mean they did it every minute! They weren't _nerds_ or computer geeks. Plus, what made them even madder, was the horrible screennames. Massiegurl? SexyLatina? Try Massiekur and Holagurl. These people ahb-viously didn't know that anything they chose wouldn't be better than the real thing, no matter what. It was like Louis Vuitton purses: if you don't have the real thing, don't buy anything at all. Better nothing at all than some fake rip-off.

Too bad Faux-livia didn't get that memo.

The next one wasn't bad but it didn't exactly calm their horrified souls, either.

* * *

The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet – clique style by Ohhappydagger! _Reviews_  
I write bad summaries, lol! Just read inside. And no flames please!

* * *

"No flames?" Alicia sniggered. "No flames my butt. I think we should go flame that story just because they said that." 

"We could, but we don't have time," Massie said. "But if we remember we can do it later."

"No, but seriously," Dylan said. "What makes the person think we'd want to read a story without knowing what it was about? We wouldn't. Really. Seriously, some people can be so lazy…"

Kristen smirked. "Like you should be talking."

"Well, but it's true!" Dylan protested.

"I know, I know. I get it. But…ew, look at this one!" Kristen said, scrunching her nose in disgust. "_Someone_ forgot to go to kindergarten."

* * *

Kristen felt the need to shield her eyes from the horror that was this story. They _spelt her name wrong_. And inside were millions of mistales. Millions.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE  
Massie is felt very sick today. She wanted to went home.  
TWO DAYD L8TER

Dylan and Kirstin spotted a Hot Guy and

They waved at Him and said,  
"Hi!" And then he came over and they went out to  
Eat Dinner.

Later they went to the Pool and then they went Home.

Alicia  
"Ehmagawd i hayte my mom" She says to the hot guy she met.

"why? he asked?"

"becawse she said I'm not alowed to have sex with anyone until i am ay-teen!" Alicia said angry!

The guy smiked. 'your allowed to break rules, you know!" he says.

"Oh, that is so ah-mazingly true! I ah-dore yew yew know that right?" Alicia pushed out her boobs a little.

"I do. Listin my parents wont be home 2 night so would you like to come over?"

"Sure! Sounds ah-mazing! See yew there sex-ay."

--Hey peeps, i don't want any1 telling me this is bad! its just the INTERNET! so i dont want any1 else telling me i need to work on my grammer an spelling cuz its just a storie. Now read an revew or i wont write!

* * *

It was horrible, really; most likely the worst story she'd ever had the misfortune of reading. Since when did people think that typing up a story in five minutes would deem them worthy of reviews? Of any review? That story wasn't even worth _flaming_, for gawdsake. Kristen couldn't even count how many mistakes that person made, there were so many. Tenses! Spelling! Grammar! _Todd_ could have written a better story. And she especially hated the attempt to sound cool by making up their own words like "yew" and "sex-ay". No. Just no. They had their vocabulary and that was it.

"That…that sucked," Massie said.

"I know. It's like people don't care what they write," Claire said.

"But they should, because _duh_, if you're going to write something it might as well be your best effort," Kristen said. "Especially because anyone can comment on it. And I totally love how she thought her story was the best ever when it totally sucked. Gawd, people are so small-minded these days."

"And they made me a slut!" Alicia shrieked. "I am _not_ a slut! And everyone knows that I hate my boobs; I would never, try to show them off."

"Unless there was a hot guy." Massie smirked.

Alicia stuck her tongue out at her friend. "Shut up. But anyway, what were you saying, Kristen?"

"Um…oh, yes. I was saying that people should actually put effort in their stories if they want reviews. Otherwise, they shouldn't complain and go bitching about reviews because that is _so_ ah-nnoying."

"And my gawd, how about making something _original_?" Massie said. "Because you know, almost all those stories were the same. Although most of them had good fashion taste, I'll give them that."

"They should edit their stories, too, because some of them had the most ah-bvious typos ever." Dylan rolled her eyes.

"You can't catch everything, though," Claire said.

"That's true, but some are easy to catch. Like my name," Kristen muttered.

"I have a better idea – instead of whining about stupid people, why don't we continue with our sleepover?" Massie said.

And so they turned off the computer and did just that.


End file.
